I stood looking outside the hospital
room window. The night was clear and the stars shone bright. Way off
in the distance I could see the light of cars driving down the
freeway, and was very glad that this room was not on the other side
of the building. Behind me soft praise and worship music filled the
air, and I could not help but feel at peace with my situation, as I
held my left arm close to me.
My first warning that a stroke was
pending began one night 8months ago. I had helped my grandchildren
move a swing-set earlier in the day. I was awaken with my left arm
feeling asleep, I though naturally that I had sleep on it wrong and
made an excuse for my arm taking hours to wake up as a pinched
nerve.
The night of December 30th
2012, I was awaken once more, but this time half my body and the left
side of my face was asleep. I realized at that moment that my problem
was not a simple pinched nerve something was wrong with me. I awoke
my husband Paul, telling him I needed to go to the ER. I did not even
bother to dress, I simply put on Paul’s heavy rob and got in the
car. Paul dropped me off ER door and went to park the car.
One inside the ER, I walked up to the
window and signed in, writing down my symptom. With in a few minutes
my name was called. My needs were considered so vital that I by
passed everyone else in the waiting room and was usher in to a room.
A few minutes later the ER doctor came
in and began to ask me questions. He looked over at Paul and told
him; “ I believe your wife has had a stroke.” And sent
immediately for a Neurologist. The Neurologist walk into the room
and began to ask me more question. Although my mind was clear and my
face did not droop, The hesitation in my words and the symptoms I was
experience said it all. When all was said and done, the test he
ordered showed that I had had a Hemorrhagic stroke . The
Neurologist also told me that I would have to stay for a while, told
me he would see the next day as he walked out the door.
I spent New Years in the stroke wing of
the hospital, being monitored and beginning a program of medication.
I also saw a physical therapist and was given some advice on how to
deal with my right hand which was now numb and feeling tight. I
also found myself dealing with the reality that the Neurologist
that I had first seen in the ER, had dropped the ball. He never came
to visit me, nor could the head doctor of the stroke wing even
contact him to get instructions for my care, or see how I was doing.
I suspected that once he realized that I did not have insurance, he
also realized I probable would not be able to pay him. ( I have never
gotten a bill from him)
I was released from the hospital by
the head doctor of the stroke wing on January 3, 2013. His advice was
for me to simple see my main physician, and to be thankful that it
could have been worse, at least I was able to walk. I was given no
further information. I had no conception of how long my recovery
would take, or even if I would get back the use of my left hand.
Emotionally, I was fine despite the
uncertainty of what the future held for me and whether I would gain
the feeling back on my left side. Although by the most part I had a
right to feel sorry for myself, a life time of battling the reality
of health issues associated with having Lupus, had build with in me
strong faith in the Lord. And with it a sense of peace, when ever
life becomes stormy.
One of my favorite scripture tells of
Apostle Paul. He was stricken with a thorn in his flesh, that would
not go away, no matter how hard he prayed. Here was a man that laid
hand upon the sick and saw them be healed, but he did not receive
healing himself. And so he asked God why and the Lord answered him
.".... 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness. 'Therefore I will boast all the more gladly
about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. “ 2
Corinthians 12:9
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